FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Russian River Sisters Join Forces with San Francisco Nuns in Basketball

Article by Sister Sparkle Plenty

August 2, 2001 -- The San Francisco based Recreational Center for the Handicapped is a facility where a large group of people with various challenges (both mental and physical) can gather together for social interaction and good times. They share potlucks, parties, day trips and basket ball games. Yes, basket ball games. As a way of giving the Center's participants fun and interesting activities, a series of basket ball games was begun. All of the center's participants are included, even those in wheelchairs. They all get decked out in brightly colored, regulation basket ball uniforms and have a blast. They have a wonderfully spirited cheer-leading section, and a band. And what a band it is ! ! Playing on improvised instruments of surprising effectiveness ( pots and pans and garbage cans ) the band really gets the crowd in the mood for fun. It's all closely supervised and safe for the participants. But be advised, "creative" score keeping and "flexible" game rules keep it all very interesting.

Various groups have been invited to play, and all have been soundly thrashed. Fire fighters and police departments have all met their doom. Most recently, the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence were challenged to play.

The game was played at the RCH Auditorium on August 2, in front of a group of wildly enthusiastic sports fans, friends and family of the participants. These fans were treated to a spectacle rarely seen these days, a combination of highly trained athletes meeting with a spirit of camaraderie and good will plus flawless fashion sense.

Dressed in their finest Frederick's of Hollywood uniforms, the Sisters marched into an auditorium packed to the rafters (almost) with cheering fans. The Sisters were greeted not by one opposing team, but by THREE teams of players. The Reds, The Purples, and The Oranges. In their pre-game show these players dazzled the crowd with mind boggling displays of hoop shooting skills, while their pep team presented fiery displays of cheer-leading songfest.

Resplendent in their finery ( not an eyelash out of place ) the Sisters trooped into position. Led through their cheer-leading by the lovely (and demure) Princess d'Pom Pom , Sister Barbi Mitzvah, these hunky Sisters wowed the crowds with fabulous displays of footwork, all orchestrated by cheer-leading coach Sr. Dana Van Niquity. Chants filled the air. " Sisters give you Blisters ! ! YEAH ! ! Sisters give you blisters ! ! HOORAY ! !

Buoyed by the cheering throngs (and one dancing garbage can) The Sisters burst upon the court, in direct challenge to the opposing teams. Rallying to Sister Saki Tumi's cry of " Let's go, girls" the Sisters hiked up their skirts, adjusted their fishnets, and played ball. Quick mastery of the dribble took Sister Mary Margaret Xplosion deep into court and a fast pass to Sister Chastity Boner brought them directly under the net, where they took the first hoop, (after seven attempts). The ball went to the opposing team who blazed down the court again and again, quickly racking up 45 points through creative score keeping.

Sister Sparkle Plenty intercepted the ball and headed down the court, sort of dribbling as she went. Suddenly the Referee pulled out his "Time Out" wand, and tapping Sparkle on the head sent her into sudden deep slumber. The Reds took quick advantage of Sparkle's sleepiness and grabbed the ball. Intent on making the most of this event, The Oranges and The Purples swarmed onto the court, coming to the aid of The Reds. In a wonderful burst of togetherness all three teams blazed down the boards to their net and sorta got the ball in, racking up 22 more points (more creative score-keeping).

Sister Roma! pulled the Sisters together and after a quick peptalk (tirade) they broke huddle. Springing into action Sr. Dana flashed the court, and pulled a "Swish", giving the Sisters 11 points. ( Creative score-keeping works both ways.) With a score of 67 to 11 the Sisters were rapidly closing the gap. It was becoming a bloodbath, Sister Donatella D'Onaska pulled off her petticoats and started rolling bandages. Sweat poured from the brows of the opposing team, forcing some of their wheel chairs to lose traction. AHAH ! Their weak spot ! Sister Penny Costal's observation that their foes averaged 4 foot 5 presented another breakthrough. Still the battled raged on. As the carnage mounted, the Sisters' coach (borrowed from the opposing team) advised a serious change in game strategy. Tensions mounted as the plan was put into affect. When suddenly, BEEEEP ! ! The game was over. Everybody rushed the court, breaking into glittering disco moves. In a moving ceremony the Sisters were presented with a FABULOUS gold plated trophy and tactfully invited back for another butt-kicking.

Flushed with victory, the Sisters brought the gold to center court, where they were greeted by a standing ovation of adoring fans, friends and family. Working their way through throngs of delirious fans the Sisters gained the stage and made their victory announcement. " We met them. They met us, And we agreed, it was a good thing" . There was not a dry eye in the house.